By now most of you have probably heard the latest upload of Press Start to Continue (if not, you can find it here) where I talk about the future of the show. Namely, that… well I have to put it on hold for a while, and during that time I have to figure out if I can return and keep doing it later.
Over the years (Nine years! Wow!) I’ve posted here and there about my health. I’ve been diagnosed with something called “Centralized Pain Amplification” which is a fancy way of saying I feel everything all the time. My touch response is heightened, especially the way I experience pain. If you stub your toe it hurts like all hell. Now imagine doing that and it being 10x worse. This is something I have to live with.
I explain this not to try and elicit any response. You don’t need to send condolences, well wishes… though if you did have that urge I appreciate it and thank you. I’m explaining this because when you deal with a chronic condition, you have to think about what you are doing in your life, how you can improve it, and what you have to cut back on. Having a nervous system that is turned up to 11 all the time is exhausting, and saps every bit of my energy that I would use to… well hold a job. Exercise. And, of course, create podcasts. Things I love doing, which bring me a sense of stability and purpose. But I have to choose what is more important – staying upright and being able to do a few things well, or pushing myself and doing more things poorly.
You might have noticed that my release schedule has been erratic. This is why. I’m always tired, and the effort I put into making a good show (that I hope people enjoy!) empties the tank. I have no more spoons to use.
So I’ve had to cut back. Press Start is only the latest casualty. I Shouldn’t Have to Say This is also on hiatus. A planned miniseries about chronic pain has to be (ironically) set aside. It’s not easy choices to make lemme tell ya.
If you’ve noticed what I do on twitter, right now it’s mostly getting into conversations about politics and world events – something else I love thinking about. But it’s reactive. In the moment. Anything I do right now will be completely flexible, and things I can outright cancel for any length of time without any guilt.
Press Start is special to me. It has opened so many doors, it’s made me learn so much, and it’s connected me with a lot of amazing people I now call friends. And it could be so much more. I’d love to go to MagFest and meet artists. I’d love to go to concerts, record interviews with all of the inspiring Nerdcore artists and video game remixers. But we all have to recognize our limitations, and work within those if we want to live a good, healthy life.
So with all of that… I’m going to do one more show featuring all new music and then on the anniversary I’ll do a show playing all of my favorite music from over the years. And then the show will go on a 6 month hiatus. If in the fall I feel like I can come back, then I’ll definitely let everyone know. But there is a real chance that my health won’t allow it, and while that will be a sad realization, it will be an important decision in terms of my ability to keep my head above water. Or to paraphrase a listener, “Keep on this side of the grass.”
If you’ve read this far, thank you all for sticking with me, for enjoying the show, for all the support over the years. You honestly have no idea how much it means to someone who is basically unable to leave his home, even if there wasn’t a pandemic.
By the way it IS still a thing, and me and other chronically ill people will thank you to keep wearing masks >(
The archives will obviously stay up. Listen, share, and enjoy. It’s been an amazing 9 years, and god willing I’ll be able to return to it and pick up where I left off. And if not? It was so so worth it. Again… you have absolutely no idea.
Keep safe. Check in on your friends every once in a while. Put kindness out into the world.